To Nanette FROM Christy
When I was thinking of services on how to represent Nan, and after asking other people about some of her best qualities and things that would mean a lot to her, SOOOOO many people would say the same thing--- she gives service to everyone!!! She accepts everyone and actually looks for people to help. One time, after she was helping yet another lost soul, I asked, "Nan, how do you find these people?" She flat out said, "Myles and I pray for them." I can't tell you how much that changed my life that day. I have shared that statement from Nanette so many times, in lessons I have taught in Relief Society and Young Women's, to people I have shared and tried to inspire to help others. I knew I needed to look for some lost souls. So, one day it hit me... all I had to do was ask, "What Would Nanette Do?" Kinda like, "What Would Jesus do?" Hahaha.
It was amazing how many people started coming my way. Something I started realizing about myself is that I have a hard time WANTING to do service for people who are either difficult to do service for,or I'm super stressed, or when it's an awkward situation. But each time, I made myself ask, "What Would Nanette Do?" I knew-- she would do it willingly. She wouldn't even question it. And even if it felt awkward, she would do it anyway. So I took a deep breath and jumped in.
Amanda Martinez
So back in January when I first picked Nan's name, Amanda had just arrived to live with us. I thought, "Everyone's going to think it's rigged" so I really tried hard to not let Amanda be the only service I did for Nanette. And it wasn't, but I'll get into that later. However, Amanda was with us for quite some time and I really feel like we might have done some good with her.
Many of you know who Amanda is. She's the girl Nanette has become what I call "Amanda's surrogate mom" to and has helped in huge and seriously amazing ways to help amanda become an adult. Many know that Amanda has had a very rough background. When Nanette called me with the idea of her coming to live with us, I loved the idea of helping a girl see that there is a bigger world out there than just Camarillo, California and Rexburg, Idaho. Because even with this horrible background, Amanda is a pretty amazing girl. She can be a very deep, mature thinker. The changes she has made in her life and the choices she has had to decide on are ones you cannot even believe someone her age has had to make. And I am in awe at how "normal" and mature considering the background she came from. I probably said to Amanda on a weekly basis (after she would tell me another story about her childhood), "Amanda. Seriously. How did you turn out so normal?" She has really had a rough life and Nan was the one who, through the crazy times we had with her, would say, "Remember, she never had a mom to teach her the simple basics of life." (So typical Nan, isn't it? Always finding the positive and good in the situation.)
So.... that's what I would do during the frustrating times. Cuz yes, there were a few. Some I think it would be fun to tell you about and I've already given Nan the heads up that I would. They're really meant to make the story funny, but also to show some of the times where I could (and sometimes did) get easily frustrated, but asked myself "What Would Nan Do?" I would remind myself that she didn't have a mom to teach her these things.
Amanda is a funny girl. To put it nicely, she can be a bit air-headed sometimes. From the time she got lost leaving the first house she got hired to babysit at (she didn't look at the address or street name she was on or which way she was heading) to getting a phone call from Brian at 2:45 a.m. because he couldn't find her after a trip to Munich with the USO, and after driving around for about an hour and eventually finding her at the Military Police station INSIDE the guarded army base after asking the gate security guards if he saw a lost girl, there were some rough moments. Brian was so calm in these moments so I would remind myself what Nan had told me.... "She didn't have a mom."
So, here are some things we would do... with Amanda, there were times where she would forget, or purposely leave without, a coat, or lock us out of the house after shutting the door and leaving the extra key inside the house. But instead of being frustrated, I would take a deep breath and teach her things a mom would teach. Things I would say to my own children. We talked about why it's important to bring a coat, even if you're just "running in." (I would say, "Because what if you got mugged on the way? Or what if you locked yourself out the house... like last time? Or what if it suddenly gets colder than it already is outside? Don't talk yourself out of things. It's better to be extra prepared than not enough.") We would make a list of things she couldn't leave the house without... that we would go over before she left. Things like: passports in a foreign country are necessary. Taking more than 10 Euro with you on an overnight trip to Paris is probably a good idea. And if you switch your purse over, you always need to switch EVERYTHING over, including military ID's and your wallet. :) I taught her how to manage her time with calendars, and how to prioritize what she needed to do. We would sit down and manage her money, figure out her upcoming trips, how much money she needed for them and how to make enough hair and babysitting appointments to make that goal. I also taught her a lot about health. Not just healthy eating, but how our bodies worked, drawing pictures, or explaining the process of how our bodies digest food or where the things get broken down into, or how they make us feel whether we eat something good or bad for our bodies. And I helped her rewrite her resume and feel confident going in to salons to talk to people. She also got to see our "home", as she would call it "a normal, loving home where everyone talks nice to each other and everyone helps to make the family first." She came to church with us and I'm pretty sure her heart for church grew 10 sizes while here. She even gave a talk I helped her write that she was terrified to give, but she did it! We also took her on many trips, or showed her how to go on trips by herself, to see so many countries and places and to see there's a big, awesome world out there!
We miss Amanda terribly and actually tried to see if there was a way she could stay. Spencer adored her. She is one of the most accepting, loving, helpful, non-offended or offenSIVE and non-judgmental people I know. I truly hope we made a difference in her life and much of the service we gave to her was in Nanette's name.
So, I know this is getting long. I'm really sorry. I really feel like Nan deserves it since this was her getting us started on this whole service Christmas anyway! The rest hopefully will be shorter stories of people I helped in Nanette's honor and influenced by her unselfish nature.
Erin Cox
A few weeks ago, our sister Heather was doing hair clients at my house. One of the families that came over was an inactive family I know through outside activities. But they never come to church and their father is quite against the church.
Some of you might know I'm First Counselor in the Young Women's Presidency. That same day I had been working all day to finish up last minute tasks for our big Personal Progress Night: Young Women in Excellence. When these girls were at our house, I was very busy and a little stressed baking all the potatoes, making rainbow fruit skewers, etc. You know how us Schultz's go overboard? I was in that mode. The oldest daughter, Erin, started asking me what I was doing. I started telling her about the fun that night would be and what it was. I could see her really being interested. She started asking her mom if she could go but her mom was talking her out of it. I considered for a split second to invite her to ride with us but we were already full in our car and I had so much to do to get ready. One more person to worry about might make me meltdown. I kept fighting the urge to offer, especially after part of our conversation turned into her telling me she doesn't believe in God and probably won't ever. I was peeling some kiwi over the sink, trying to ignore the guilty feeling I was having. I knew the right thing to do, but I fought it. I even caught myself saying, "What's the point if she doesn't believe in God? She's 17 and past the point of us being any help."
But then I thought about Nanette and how she would have invited this girl to come, made it sound really fun and made this girl feel really special. And then I received some inspiration to go along with it. My thoughts were, "It's never too late. It may take a long time or it might be slow, but tonight would make a difference." I remember standing at my sink and I just put both my hands down and took a deep breath. Then turned around and said to Erin, "Erin! Come with us! We will be having so much fun! We have room in our car (which we didn't... we just needed to take two cars) and you can do homework while the rest of us are setting up (an excuse her mom was giving to keep her from going)." Erin was so pleased and had a smile plastered on her face.
That night at the program, a few other Laurels came up to me and said, "How do I know that girl?" I smiled and said, "Why don't you run over and ask her. Try and figure it out how you know each other!" Excitedly they ran away and then the rest of the night these girls were inseparable. They come from different "cliques" in school but that night none of that mattered. I heard them excitedly chatting all about their classes and projects and boys and even God. The other two girls were encouraging her to believe and even in a "cool" way bore their testimonies to this girl. Erin hasn't come to church yet, but since then has come to the last 5 Young Women's activities (remember we live 30 minutes from the church so this is a big deal for her to make the effort). AND the last two activities she has talked her sister into coming, one that Erin says "I never thought Hannah would come to anything. She hates these things." I can tell they love belonging to our group. They come and hang around me and other girls just excited for me to compliment them and let them feel included. Something Nanette would do.
My Halfway House
Some of you might know I'm First Counselor in the Young Women's Presidency. That same day I had been working all day to finish up last minute tasks for our big Personal Progress Night: Young Women in Excellence. When these girls were at our house, I was very busy and a little stressed baking all the potatoes, making rainbow fruit skewers, etc. You know how us Schultz's go overboard? I was in that mode. The oldest daughter, Erin, started asking me what I was doing. I started telling her about the fun that night would be and what it was. I could see her really being interested. She started asking her mom if she could go but her mom was talking her out of it. I considered for a split second to invite her to ride with us but we were already full in our car and I had so much to do to get ready. One more person to worry about might make me meltdown. I kept fighting the urge to offer, especially after part of our conversation turned into her telling me she doesn't believe in God and probably won't ever. I was peeling some kiwi over the sink, trying to ignore the guilty feeling I was having. I knew the right thing to do, but I fought it. I even caught myself saying, "What's the point if she doesn't believe in God? She's 17 and past the point of us being any help."
But then I thought about Nanette and how she would have invited this girl to come, made it sound really fun and made this girl feel really special. And then I received some inspiration to go along with it. My thoughts were, "It's never too late. It may take a long time or it might be slow, but tonight would make a difference." I remember standing at my sink and I just put both my hands down and took a deep breath. Then turned around and said to Erin, "Erin! Come with us! We will be having so much fun! We have room in our car (which we didn't... we just needed to take two cars) and you can do homework while the rest of us are setting up (an excuse her mom was giving to keep her from going)." Erin was so pleased and had a smile plastered on her face.
That night at the program, a few other Laurels came up to me and said, "How do I know that girl?" I smiled and said, "Why don't you run over and ask her. Try and figure it out how you know each other!" Excitedly they ran away and then the rest of the night these girls were inseparable. They come from different "cliques" in school but that night none of that mattered. I heard them excitedly chatting all about their classes and projects and boys and even God. The other two girls were encouraging her to believe and even in a "cool" way bore their testimonies to this girl. Erin hasn't come to church yet, but since then has come to the last 5 Young Women's activities (remember we live 30 minutes from the church so this is a big deal for her to make the effort). AND the last two activities she has talked her sister into coming, one that Erin says "I never thought Hannah would come to anything. She hates these things." I can tell they love belonging to our group. They come and hang around me and other girls just excited for me to compliment them and let them feel included. Something Nanette would do.
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| Erin, Sara and Tatiana |
When I was going through all my problems many years ago, it's no surprise that I lived in a daze for many years. When things got too rough, I would go to Nanette's. I was a horrible houseguest, probably never cleaned and was super lazy. Questioning life and questioning what I wanted to do with it was always on the forefront of my mind. We joked and said it was "Nanette's Halfway House." Since then, I have adopted the saying too. I have had multiple guests come to retreat and have life meltdowns. A photographer friend of mine was getting a divorce, another friend was having job and husband issues and came to escape to my house. And our cousin Julia, who is extremely busy and one who is sort of a gypsy, which is a personality prone to questioning everything about relationships, religion and life, comes to my halfway house to get a breath of fresh air and restart in their system. Same with Jacque. They came to my house and just got a new outlook on life. And whenever it started to stress me out having too mnay houseguests check in to the Halfway House, I would remember Nanette and her Halfway House for me. "What Would Nan Do?"
Mackenzie McNair
Mackenzie is a 14-year-old girl in Xoe and Xanthe's grade at school. She was on their volleyball team and I have had frequent run-ins with her. She is a pretty bad influence, one who swears, makes fun of others and causes problems in many areas. One time she accused the volleyball coach of sexually harassing her. My girls had a really hard time with her. So, imagine my surprise when I walk into church one day and she is sitting there. I knew who she was also because her family is very inactive. I've never seen them at church in the 4 years we've been here. And they are one of the families that is frequently brought up in Ward Council how to help them. I was a bit leery at first. But I befriended her and in true Christy fashion... made her feel super welcome. I was impressed with how much she was trying to do the right thing. When I found myself starting to get judgmental about her, I would think "WWND?" She would love her and accept her no matter what. So, I did. I started praising her and I started really looking into what made her tick. I realized she was a follower and just wanted to belong somewhere. Before, she was feeling that with the "bad" set of friends. But if we could just get her to feel like she belonged at church then maybe she might come back.
Imagine the twins' surprise too when they come home from the states over the summer and see her at church. First question they asked after church was, "What was Mackenzie doing at church?" They were super skeptical but I explained my epiphany. It took them awhile to warm up to her after knowing the problems she causes, and even started as little as inviting her to come with them during a Young Women activity. Soon, Mackenzie was going to Girl's Camp and bearing her testimony. Xoe even rallied the Young Women's presidency and other girls to give Mackenzie a new set of scriptures after Xoe realized Mackenzie didn't have any. And I became someone Mackenzie trusted and knew I loved her no matter what. A few times she has called me having a meltdown and needing someone to talk to. I love that I was one of the first people she felt to call rather than those who aren't good influences.
Unfortunately, Mackenzie has sort of swung back the other way to hang out with her other group of friends and not come to activities any more, but she knows there's always a place and that she will fit in here when the time is right. I see her often and she comes and gives me a hug or waves to me. I'm proud to think that Nan was this type of Young Women's leader and I was able to reflect the same kind to the girls over here.
Random Acts of Service
I'm in charge of the Personal Progress nights on the 2nd week of the month. We introduce a new value of the month and then give them a challenge. It's a huge and fun night and the girls really look forward to it. As I thought what value we should focus on for December, I thought, I would LOVE for us to do a bunch of Random Acts of Service for a ton of people at the Christmastime. How do you think I got that idea? Yup, inspired by Nanette. She is like the perfect example of doing so much service for other people. I wanted my Young Women to get involved.
I wanted to make it really fun. Youth shy away from anything that is a "service project." So I came up with Operation Christmas Kindness. Basically the girls each received and envelope with the title on the front. When they opened it up they had a list of a bunch of random small acts of kindness they could do to receive their colored jars (each value has a color along with it. They get a jar for passing off the requirement we challenge them to do). Things like bring hot chocolate to someone who works in the cold, wrap presents for a mom, tape quarters to washers and dryers at the laundromat or leave diapers and wipes on a changing table.
They needed to do 3. When they were finished they cut the strip of paper off and dropped it in the jar. But if they did 5 each we would have a pool part at the bishop's. They were all freaking out. I had 5 candy canes for them to hand out as their first service. We attached little tags on them that iyou can see below.
Then the next week I came up with an idea to do a Service Scavenger Hunt. We split into teams, handed them a bag with supplies in it and they had 45 minutes to do tasks like: run around the grocery store saying thank you and giving everyone a candy cane, taping quarters, leaving a note with a mini candy cane on car doors, hot chocolate to the security guards and caroling to random neighbors. I wasn't able to go that night but the twins came home saying they had a blast! And they loved being able to spread some cheer in a fun way. That it doesn't take much time to do small acts of kindness.
Nan! I hope in life I have an inkling of the heart that you have to give to people! I had fun with Operation "What Would Nan Do" and I absolutely know I will be doing it the rest of my life. Love you!
Mackenzie is a 14-year-old girl in Xoe and Xanthe's grade at school. She was on their volleyball team and I have had frequent run-ins with her. She is a pretty bad influence, one who swears, makes fun of others and causes problems in many areas. One time she accused the volleyball coach of sexually harassing her. My girls had a really hard time with her. So, imagine my surprise when I walk into church one day and she is sitting there. I knew who she was also because her family is very inactive. I've never seen them at church in the 4 years we've been here. And they are one of the families that is frequently brought up in Ward Council how to help them. I was a bit leery at first. But I befriended her and in true Christy fashion... made her feel super welcome. I was impressed with how much she was trying to do the right thing. When I found myself starting to get judgmental about her, I would think "WWND?" She would love her and accept her no matter what. So, I did. I started praising her and I started really looking into what made her tick. I realized she was a follower and just wanted to belong somewhere. Before, she was feeling that with the "bad" set of friends. But if we could just get her to feel like she belonged at church then maybe she might come back.
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| (Mackenzie is on the top right with the black glasses.) |
Imagine the twins' surprise too when they come home from the states over the summer and see her at church. First question they asked after church was, "What was Mackenzie doing at church?" They were super skeptical but I explained my epiphany. It took them awhile to warm up to her after knowing the problems she causes, and even started as little as inviting her to come with them during a Young Women activity. Soon, Mackenzie was going to Girl's Camp and bearing her testimony. Xoe even rallied the Young Women's presidency and other girls to give Mackenzie a new set of scriptures after Xoe realized Mackenzie didn't have any. And I became someone Mackenzie trusted and knew I loved her no matter what. A few times she has called me having a meltdown and needing someone to talk to. I love that I was one of the first people she felt to call rather than those who aren't good influences.
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| Mackenzie, Mailee and Me at Girl's Camp |
Random Acts of Service
I'm in charge of the Personal Progress nights on the 2nd week of the month. We introduce a new value of the month and then give them a challenge. It's a huge and fun night and the girls really look forward to it. As I thought what value we should focus on for December, I thought, I would LOVE for us to do a bunch of Random Acts of Service for a ton of people at the Christmastime. How do you think I got that idea? Yup, inspired by Nanette. She is like the perfect example of doing so much service for other people. I wanted my Young Women to get involved.
I wanted to make it really fun. Youth shy away from anything that is a "service project." So I came up with Operation Christmas Kindness. Basically the girls each received and envelope with the title on the front. When they opened it up they had a list of a bunch of random small acts of kindness they could do to receive their colored jars (each value has a color along with it. They get a jar for passing off the requirement we challenge them to do). Things like bring hot chocolate to someone who works in the cold, wrap presents for a mom, tape quarters to washers and dryers at the laundromat or leave diapers and wipes on a changing table.
They needed to do 3. When they were finished they cut the strip of paper off and dropped it in the jar. But if they did 5 each we would have a pool part at the bishop's. They were all freaking out. I had 5 candy canes for them to hand out as their first service. We attached little tags on them that iyou can see below.
Then the next week I came up with an idea to do a Service Scavenger Hunt. We split into teams, handed them a bag with supplies in it and they had 45 minutes to do tasks like: run around the grocery store saying thank you and giving everyone a candy cane, taping quarters, leaving a note with a mini candy cane on car doors, hot chocolate to the security guards and caroling to random neighbors. I wasn't able to go that night but the twins came home saying they had a blast! And they loved being able to spread some cheer in a fun way. That it doesn't take much time to do small acts of kindness.
Nan! I hope in life I have an inkling of the heart that you have to give to people! I had fun with Operation "What Would Nan Do" and I absolutely know I will be doing it the rest of my life. Love you!
I loved this Christy! Thank you so much...
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